When should dating become exclusive
Insisting that a man date you exclusively while he’s dating you sends him the signal that you are special, that you deserve love and care and respect. In my many years of matchmaking I’ve found that the one thing that’s gotten even the most confirmed bachelors off the fence and into marriage are women with inner self-confidence – no matter how quiet or soft they are – that insist on being treated the way they would treat their partner – with exclusive attention. Ziva Kramer, MA has been an international matchmaker, dating coach and spiritual advisor for professional singles for many years.
Known for her honesty, candor, and for passing out wisdom that people trust.
The last time I saw him, I asked him if we could define our relationship. I decided that everything was probably okay until yesterday when my brother went to a coffee shop and saw him with another girl.
In response, he started talking, but somehow didn’t really say anything, and I got the feeling he was probably seeing someone else. Everything was still so new between us, so I let the subject drop. I’m afraid to bring this up with him because the conversation didn’t go well the last time; he’s obviously not ready to be exclusive with me. My friend, you are an unwitting victim of the new culture that I call “the Tinder Revolution.” Although it’s always been possible to see more than one person at a time, technology – and Tinder, where one swipes right or left to meet or reject another – is just one app of many that has made it much easier for us to encounter, get-to-know, and “communicate” with multiple people simultaneously.
But I’m talking about dating here, not sleeping with anyone. Because the thing is that if you’re not dating exclusively, if the guy you’d really like to be exclusive with knows that he’s in the running but there’s others that you’re still considering too, that puts him in the best position possible – one where he has to prove to you that he’s worth going exclusive for.
And that also keeps you in a place of high self-esteem and confidence knowing that if he really has that much potential you’ll know before giving too much of your self to someone too early, before you really know them well enough to make that kind of commitment.
Looking back on my single days, there are so many things I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now.
You’re just requiring that while he’s dating you, he’s dating you and you alone. ” Tell him, “I want to give you my full attention because I value and respect you.
Ever been at a party or a function where someone is talking to you, but at the same time scanning the room looking for someone else to talk to? I can also date multiple people and still make the right choice. Dating multiple people has significantly disabled bachelors and bachelorettes from focusing on the people sitting right in front of them.
Studies show that too many options actually make it harder to choose.
But the reality is, when we’re in it, when we’re dating, when we think we’ve found someone who might be the one, when we’re feeling that incredible chemistry, when we’re so lonely we don’t know if we can be alone another minute, when he finally notices us and asks us out, when we feel like we can’t breathe if we don’t hear from him, when we’re so scared to lose him, when we feel like without him we have nothing, when we’re sure he must be lying dead in the gutter somewhere because that's the only reason he would've disappeared like that, we can’t see that we’re about to make a huge mistake.
When we’re in over our heads emotionally and can’t think clearly we’re not able to be objective about what we’re doing.