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6) We’re in a sports pub, with footie on the big screens, a dart board on the wall and testosterone rising from the beer-spattered carpets. I sidle up to Simon, dark-haired and with an impressively neat beard, while he was playing pool.

He looks confused, says he doesn’t like football and is more of a rugby man.

Effectiveness – 8/10 – Funny, flattering and not sleazy. 3) I introduce myself to a ginger guy called David and his tall, cute friend and ask if we can sit with them. Plus who wants to carry ice about and get their hands all wet?

He says if he didn’t he’d have given me his number, though, and I leave, pleased I appear to have made his night. But it gives me the chance to establish he has an accent so, after being given a lighter and cigarette I don’t need, I chat to Pedro and Flávio about Portugal. Effectiveness – 7/10 – Really good but best to use it if you actually smoke…I didn’t know whether it would be better to go for a simple greeting or an attention-grabbing joke.So I did the only logical thing – I made a list and set out on a Friday night to try them, with only a friend and a vodka and soda for support. 1) I approach Matt, a guy with dirty-blonde hair in a parka standing by a jukebox.The combined effect of prolactin and serotonin in the aftermath of orgasm is that the brain prefrontal cortex switches off almost all sexual desire.But psychologists have often pointed out that the notorious but characteristic "roll-over effect" in men leaves women who are seeking after-sex display of affection feeling insecure and distressed.

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Before I knew it, the whole bar was suggesting chat up lines for me to try out.

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