Dating people in aa dating sex and friends

Since I had always met men at bars and drinking parties, I was kind of at a loss as to how I was supposed to start dating again—something I needed to do ASAP if I wanted to avoid having to spend time with myself (something I was not prepared to handle).Between 12-step meetings and fellowship (aka going to a diner after the meeting), I was spending an average of 15 hours a week with AA people, so it seemed only logical to use this time as an opportunity to scope out potential partners.In the title of her book, Girlfriend of Bill, author Karen Nagy riffs on the time-honored public code for mutual AA recognition: “Are you a friend of [AA co-founder] Bill?” Nagy says she was unable to find any material written “specifically for someone who is new to such a relationship or who is thinking about dating someone in recovery.” So she wrote one, and the publishing arm of Hazelden brought it out.

Her own experience, however, appears mainly limited to men in and out of 12-Step recovery programs.But, since I have never been the kind of girl to keep her panties on in a crisis, I needed to test out this unwritten rule.I was a year-and-a-half into recovery when the relationship I’d been in pre-sobriety ended and I found myself single in sobriety (which should be the name of a reality show).I was so unwell at the time that I actually told myself that my vagina was helping him get through early sobriety (not joking, wish I was).I took him under my wing and brought him to all of my meetings, introduced him to all of my sober friends and then violently kicked myself for doing so. See, when it comes to staying sober, having the person who drained you emotionally and financially (which is what alcoholics can do) and broke your heart sitting in the same room with you day after day—the room you used to retreat to for safety and support in times like these—isn’t just annoying or a mere inconvenience; it’s downright gut wrenching.

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