Dating and relationship and baggage
In this situation, the issue is no longer that wine has been spilled on my dress, but in the unreasonable and over-reactive way that I handled the situation.The "issue" would then be that I freaked out and lost my cool over something as silly as a dress.-- but for the most part there isn't a whole lot I am unwilling to work through with someone if I feel like it's "worth it." What I have started realizing as I have been in more mature and meaningful relationships is that the emotional baggage isn't what the actual issue is.The actual issue is how the baggage is handled and what the behavior is when it comes to handling the baggage.In school, I was taught that "how I relate to the issue is the issue." Which means, let's say my partner spills a glass of red wine on my favorite dress.I freak out, panic, yell, say mean things -- and storm out of the room and ignore the person for two hours.It might be because I work with clients on these very topics or because I went to school to learn how to deal with my own emotions and understanding them.But it also might be that I have finally reached a place in my life where I can feel thankful and grateful for all the things in my past (as challenging as it may have been at times) and allow them to be things that help me in making better choices as I move forward.
As I've gotten older, though, and have been in more (and longer term) relationships, my opinions on all of this have changed quite a bit.
And most of us already know what our issues are and can point them out, name them, and even pinpoint when and why they get triggered.
I think a lot of people go into relationships looking to the other person to "fix" their feelings or issues.
It’s like, You will be less stressed, anxious, guilty, and resentful (yeah, I said it) and be happier, healthier and available for real love, care, trust and respect, and all while being the most you you’ve ever been.
This is what I teach people pleasers and perfectionists how to do.
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